Ghost Stories #6: Paris, Texas

After pulling up the video of my favorite scene from Paris, Texas for my last post, the algorithm steered me to this video essay exploring some of the other arresting aspects of the film. Namely, vivid color and deep, quiet meaning.

Sometimes, like now, I feel like I could crawl into the holes of worlds built in the past and stay there forever. Paris, Texas is one of those holes. As is the Sam Shepard book it was inspired by, Motel Chronicles. They are early 80s artifacts, I know. And one should therefore probably not stay with them forever. But they are great reference points for, and respites from, the wounds we nurse today.

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Here’s a crude Paris, Texas–inspired thing I made in the Notes application on my phone a few months after I moved to Lampang. The colors are off, but the meaning holds true.

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And here’s a story I wrote a year or so back. It was inspired by Motel Chronicles, life, relationships, running away and staying put, our innate desire to fill holes, and our equally innate mastery of crawling inside of them, unbeknownst to us.

The Unfillable Hole

The woman in the hospital gown is trying to fill an unfillable hole. She's been doing it for a long time. Has devoted her life to it. Only she doesn't know she's doing it or devoting her life to it.

The man wearing whatever is sitting on the couch watching whatever. He hasn't devoted his life to anything. But he knows it and is at peace with it.

The woman looks out the window with an air of distress.

The man says, "It's not in him."

The woman says, "What's not in who?"

The man says, "That hole you're trying to fill. It's not in You-Know-Who."

"I'm not trying to fill any hole," she says. "I just want to know how he's doing."

"Right," he says. "But suppose you know it. Suppose you know he's doing just great. Suppose he calls you every day to tell you he's doing just great. What then? Will you be done with it? Or will you spend your days between the phone calls waiting to make sure he's still doing just great? Wondering if he was ever really doing just great in the first place, or only telling you that to try to give a piece of you back to yourself?"

"I just want him to be happy," she says.

"That's an unfillable hole," he says. "And it's not in him to be filled. You're looking the wrong way."

She doesn't say anything. Just keeps looking out the window.

A wet-looking bird alights in a patch of sun on the windowsill. On the TV, an actor in a commercial for CheezyChomps holds up a bright orange bag and says "Nom nom nom." But the woman hears it all wrong and breaks clean through the glass and sprints across the field screaming, "I'm here! I'm here! I'm here!"

The man changes the channel. Goes on watching whatever. Turns the volume up a few bars.

The bird flies to the next town.